


From 0 to 60 in No Time Flat

by neosaiyanangel



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Aftermath of sex pollen, Aftermath: Sex pollened victim gets forced into marriage with person they had sex with, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fluff and Crack, Humor, M/M, Pollen that makes you fall in love, Post-Thor: Ragnarok (2017), Sex Pollen Turns Victim Into Jazz Musician, Sex pollen only affects characters who were already attracted to each other, Talent Pollen - Pollen makes character talented at a completely random (useful or useless) skill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-04
Updated: 2019-09-04
Packaged: 2020-10-06 17:50:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20511038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neosaiyanangel/pseuds/neosaiyanangel
Summary: Stephen has no idea what is going on. One moment he’s the master of his domain, bringing a villain to justice; the next he’s sucking that same villain’s face. Oh, and for some reason he can play the saxophone now. What?





	From 0 to 60 in No Time Flat

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Etnoe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Etnoe/gifts).

"Wow."

"...Yeah, I guess that's right."

The two of them lay on the floor, partially wrapped in each other's arms.

"So…" Stephen couldn't _believe _what was going on.

What had happened?

Oh, he knew how it had _started_. A ship full of Asgardians had descended to Earth. That was _very _troublesome to the doctor; he was supposed to be protecting the Earth from outside threats and an _entire ship_ of a race of conquerors had shown up for no obvious reason. As long as they didn't try to eradicate the local peoples, Stephen decided not to do anything about them.

Except Loki.

_Loki_ was there with them, even after he'd pretty much _just_ told the trickster god and his brother that Loki wasn't allowed on Earth. So Stephen had sent him back to Asgard. Except, as Thor explained to him, there _was_ no Asgard anymore. With much convincing from the thunder god, Stephen finally decided to call Loki back to face trial.

Loki had come back from where Stephen had tried to send him. The moment the two of them had laid eyes on each other, Stephen had found him _irresistible_. The way he smelled, the slightly muscled, lithe body and sharp face…Stephen had found him attractive before, but he'd kept hold of his emotions while pursuing his duty. This time, however, he couldn't stop himself. He had _needed_ Loki.

They'd torn through the sanctum, losing clothing at every step of the way. They'd ended up in the middle of the lounge area in the upper levels. Stephen was _very_ relieved that Wong was at the Hong Kong sanctum at the moment. There was no way he could've stopped himself from touching every inch of Loki, even if his second had been there.

"I don't know where that came from," the Asgardian mumbled to the air.

Great. Even _Loki_ didn't know what was going on.

"Neither do I," Stephen reluctantly admitted.

They lay there, not looking at each other for a while yet also, if Loki was feeling the same as Stephen, enjoying how the other felt in their arms.

"What is that thing called?"

"Hm?" Stephen ventured to look at the other man. Loki's sharp gaze pierced him for a moment before his eyes flicked over to the item in question, which was currently lying a couple of feet from Stephen's head. "The saxophone?"

"Sax...o-phone…?" Loki blinked at Stephen a few times. "You Midgardians and your strange names. Though…" he once again looked at the instrument "...I must admit it sounded _orgasmic_."

"I don't know how. I have no idea how to play it." Yet that was untrue. Stephen could hear, _feel_ the notes and how to make them come to life. As a test, he hesitantly took the saxophone back in hand and attempted to play a random tune. Somehow, a string of beautiful music—there was a distinct jazzy tune to it—blared out from the instrument. He pulled it away from his mouth and sighed. At least this time he didn't seem attached to it like he had when he and Loki were going at it.

"Why do you even _have_ one of those things lying around?" Loki asked, propping himself up on his elbows and looking around. "It doesn't seem like any kind of ancient mystical wonder."

"It's a relic imbued with special powers meant for their chosen wielder," Stephen explained, absentmindedly reaching out a hand and tucking some of Loki's hair behind his ear. "While I was able to play it, I can't draw out its abilities."

"Does that mean you may possibly have a magical drinking horn? One that supplies eternal grog? Thor would be thrilled," the Asgardian deadpanned.

Stephen rolled his eyes in response. "Please. That's child's play. I don't _need_ a relic to do tha—"

"Ah!" a voice boomed from over by the stairs. "I see you two have finished fornicating."

Loki gave a heave of a sigh and turned his head towards his brother. "Yes. It appears we have."

"Excellent." Thor had a smug smile on his face as he looked between the two naked men, his single eye sparkling cheerily. "I _knew_ you were lying to me about partying while I was at university."

"What does _that_ mean?" Stephen asked, curious and annoyed at why in the world Thor thought it connected to the current situation.

"Why, it's obvious!" Thor thumped down into one of the sanctum's chairs, turning it more towards Loki and Stephen. "His reaction to the pollen of Freja's hair is proof enough."

"Freja's hair…?" Stephen recalled the little snippets he knew of Norse mythology. Incredulously, he asked, "You mean milkwort?"

"Whatever Midgardian variation you have is _nothing_ like the genuine Asgardian plant," Thor said, scratching at his chin. Shifting forward, settling his elbows on his knees, he lectured, "Oh no. _Real_ Freja's hair has special properties. Inhaling any of it causes extreme lust for someone you already have an attraction to, as well as causing you to develop abilities that the object of your desire finds attractive. Then you're bonded together as lovers; an unbreakable bond save for the cure. Very mystical, as it only works once. Then you're immune. Really great for livening up parties. It's long-lasting—longer than some Midgardian life cycles—with only one known cure."

"How in the _multiverse_ did we get infected by it?!" Loki demanded, sitting up and glaring at Thor like it was his fault.

"...The portal. I sent you to the remains of Asgard." Stephen began piecing the few pieces he had together as he, too, sat up. "You might have gone through a cloud of its pollen while hurtling through the area."

"Not surprising," Thor said, tilting his head in thought. "It is a very messy plant to deal with and was rather concentrated in one area of Asgard. I expect the entire supply poofed into a massive ball of magical pollen that survived the destruction of Asgard."

"Fascinating." Loki didn't even look at Stephen, causing a sharp feeling of concern to spike through Stephen, as he pointedly asked Thor, "So, cure. Where is it? _What_ is it?"

"Ah! You're referring to Freja's tears," the thunder god noted. "It is a special gold-tinged mead. It isn't very good, but it's the only cure for Freja's hair. It's made with rye—"

Stephen let out a breath.

"—only cultivated on Asgardian soil."

The breath was immediately sucked back in.

"What's so special about Asgardian soil? Cannot we simply grow some here? I want to be rid of these accursed feelings," Loki grumbled.

Before Stephen could ask him what feelings he was having, Thor laughed. "Oh no. You see, Asgardian soil is—erm, _was_—imbued with the blood and power of _countless _generations of Asgardians. It would take _eons_ for Earth's soil to even have a _fraction_ of a chance of being as potent as—"

"Yes, we get the picture," Stephen cut in, thoughts racing. Confirming out loud, he asked, "Loki and I are basically pair-bonded then? With no cure?"

"Seems that way." The thunder god said it so casually that Stephen couldn't help but feel irritated. At the same time, part of him was elated. His feelings for Loki would remain for the foreseeable future. Even more important, Loki's feelings for Stephen would stay intact. Stephen wasn't sure how Loki had felt for him before. Though...if one needed to already be attracted to the other... Interrupting Stephen's thoughts with a nod, Thor said, "Well, looks like you two will have to get married."

"You have _got_ to be kidding me," Loki said, though there was an excited note in his voice. "Myself? Marry this man?"

"How is this any different than that bet with the horse?" Thor asked incredulously.

"This is _entirely_ different!" Loki said, his fists clenching. To Stephen's surprise, one of Loki's hands had, at some point, clasped one of his own. "First of all, mother isn't here to keep me from winning. If I'd had just a few more minutes—"

"You would probably be pregnant," Thor snarked.

Stephen narrowed his eyes. "Wait. That story about Sleipnir…?"

"A lie told by bigots who twisted an innocent situation!" Loki answered angrily. "I was _not_ going to have sex with him!"

"Oh, you were too," Thor refuted. "Back then, you would have done _anything _to win a bet."

"Can we please focus?" Stephen asked, trying to push the images of Loki and a horse—and the strange possessive feeling surrounding them—out of his head. "Now. How can we figure this out?" Clarifying, Stephen said, "Loki can't stay on Earth. _No one _would simply leave things be if he were to settle here."

"I'm telling you, getting married is the _only_ option," Thor said with an edge of wisdom, clearly thinking he was right. "Now, you'll have to provide a bride price. I think that mystical mug of infinite beer would work well enough. We can talk about the dowry later."

"...Wait." An idea struck Stephen. "The sanctums. They exist in extradimensional spaces. Technically, they aren't on Earth."

"Okay…?" Loki gave Stephen a curious look and urged him via hand signal to keep going.

"If you lived here, with me, you would have a home near your people where I could keep an eye on you to preserve order." Suddenly Thor's plan was _brilliant_. It solved _everything_. Though Stephen couldn't tell if it genuinely solved everything or if it was the blob of emotion in his chest that made him think that. Trying to shake it off, he said as logically as possible, "You would have to join the order, take on oaths, that sort of thing, but you could live here." Loki's expression had changed; he was clearly weighing his options. "What do you think?"

"Which option should I go with: aimlessly wandering the universe, alone and with no home, or staying near my people and my beloved brother with a man I apparently now have feelings for?" Loki smirked slightly, bitterly. "How can I resist your offer?"

Thor clapped his hands together. "I'll make the arrangements! Mother would have been thrilled if she were here."

"I'm sure she would have been."

Stephen squeezed Loki's hand. Curious, he asked, "That plant gives abilities that another person thinks is attractive. So, that means…" he looked at Loki, a crooked smile on his face "...You find me playing the saxophone sexy?"

"...Maybe." Loki's gaze darted away for a moment before a sly smile came to his face. "That means that you like flexible men."

"I may be able to handle you naked, brother, but _please_ do not put images in my head as to your sexual abilities," Thor begged.

"Says the one that brought up the horse!" Stephen couldn't help but snipe back. Cheekily, he picked the saxophone back up, unfortunately breaking the handhold with Loki in the process. Bringing the mouthpiece to his lips, he asked Loki, "Should I play some more?"

The trickster god momentarily looked at Thor before he looked back at Stephen and smarmily said, "Oh yes, I think you should."

Thor frowned. "This is _entirely _unfai—"

Suddenly the building shook violently, the unmistakable sound of an explosion ripping from outside.

"What the…?" The three of them all looked out the roof's observation window in confusion.

A giant circular starship greeted their gazes. It was raining hell down from the skies, smoke and debris flying through the air above the sanctum. A deep feeling of dread settled in Stephen's gut as he flashed back to the mess that had happened when the Chitauri had invaded under Loki's command.

"Thanos," Loki whispered, eyes wide. "He's here for the Infinity Stone."

Those words got Stephen into action. Hurriedly he dropped the saxophone, jumped to his feet, and began to dress himself, partly the old fashioned way and partly with his powers. Resuming his mantle of the Sorcerer Supreme, he said, "Oh, he has another thing coming if he thinks he'll get it."

Loki took the cue from Stephen and also began to hurriedly dress himself. "If he gets his hands on me, I'm a dead man."

Stephen adjusted the belts around his waist. Confidently, giving Loki a determined look, he replied, "He'll have to kill me first."

"And me," Thor agreed, cracking his knuckles, obviously itching for a fight.

"Oh please, brother. You and I _both_ know I would die before you do in a do-or-die battle," the trickster god said with an eye roll as he slipped his seemingly cumbersome shirt back on. It certainly took him long enough to get it on.

"There's no worry. I'm here for you, after all," Stephen boasted, taking Loki's hand into his own. "We're stuck with each other now. I don't even want to know what would happen if you were to leave me while we're still under the effects of the pollen."

"It's horrifying," Thor began explaining. "The living one of the pair not only goes insane slowly and painfully, but they—"

"YES! Thor, we _get it_. It's awful." Loki shook his head as he said, "I'll be watching your back too."

"Ah yes! Seeing as he's an expert backstabber, you should feel safe knowing he's watching it," Thor reassured Stephen. At least, Stephen thought Thor was trying to reassure him.

Stephen straightened his coat, his cape flying back from where it had settled on a chair desperately trying not to observe the two of them having sex. Checking behind him, he asked, "Are you ready?"

"Yes."

"I suppose so."

"Good." The three of them were of the same mind as they all walked to the stairway. Stephen tarried slightly, letting Thor get ahead of him as he matched Loki's pace. Taking hold of Loki's hand, he assured the Asgardian, "Really, don't worry. I'll protect you."

A small smile crossed Loki's face. "Hopefully, that will be enough."


End file.
